- Unreal: Being an illegal alien - This is fiction. “Are you absolutely sure you want to tick this box with a Yes, sir?” said the airline official at the desk, pointing a lacquered fingernail at the tick box on the US Alien Declaration form. “Yes, I’m sure,” I said, looking at her with a well practised nod-frown combination indicating I was […]
- Unreal: Safe life-appreciation booster on trial - This is fiction. Scientists are trialling a suite of life-affirming placebo dangers to perk up listless middle-life men. A disproportionate number of men around 50 try to rekindle the devil-may-care attitude of their youth by taking risks which lead to harm. Motorbike accidents among middle-aged men rose by nearly two thirds in the years since […]
- Blocked, ghosted and cancelled, S01E01 - An everyday story of internet folk Scene: A dimly lit Whatsapp text screen; Cast: Molly (M), Jenny (J) M: Hi Jenny J: Hi Moll M: You’re having a lol, ain’tcha? J: What lol might that be, Moll? M: A little bird tells me you’ve been texting Steve behind my back. Or am I wrong? J: […]
- Nine years of trolling settle internet argument - One side of an internet argument looks set to achieve outright victory having “out-trolled” its opponents over nearly a decade, according to a source close to the defeated side. It is believed to be the first time in internet history that a group of people have been provoked and ridiculed so skillfully that they decided […]
- People who lost the lottery this week - A fortunate minority occupies a large share of media attention. Here we restore balance by catching up with some of those to whom lady luck has dealt an entirely predictable hand. Ted Hurley, 59, a plasterer and home improvement enthusiast from Basingstoke picked the numbers 4, 19, 12, 36 and 41, none of which appeared […]
- Dating apps allow users to become tradable assets - Popular dating app users will be able to become globally tradable assets from tomorrow, turning their right swipes into financial returns as well as romantic liaisons. Users will be given the option of linking their profile to a non-fungible token (NFTs), a unique sequence of characters on the cryptographic blockchain. “Becoming a unique tradable asset […]
- [unreal] Off and on: master the art - Learn to master the timeless art of restarting your machine, whether you are aiming for a hard or soft reboot, this title offers you guidance from recognised experts in the field. ■
- [Unreal] Scrooge, a rebranding one winter - An acute Christmas mental health crisis helped what became Marley’s Logistics drive a programme of strategic change, brand realignment and sustained long-term growth. Seven years after the tragic death of co-founder Jacob Marley the company found itself in a sorry state. Trade was brisk and the surviving founder personally wealthy, but he and his business […]
- [Unreal] App offers “cure for lateness” - SAN FRANCISCO—The perennial problem of poor punctuality has been solved, says San Francisco startup SynchroPal, billed as the “cure for lateness”. “Our arrival times at social appointments varies, depending on factors including our cultural background and sense of self-worth,” says its research director James Kravitz. The company’s eponymous app hopes to allow users with different […]
- [unreal] Funfare owner blames tragedy on “irresponsible minority” - The chief executive of Funtime funfare says fatal accidents on one of its most famous rides are the fault of an “irresponsible minority”. A couple in their twenties were flung from Funtime funfare’s world famous Whirligig Megawalzer on Tuesday night. The ride closed for twenty minutes to allow ambulances access to the injured, both dead […]
- [Unreal] Slightly Serious Fraud Office launches pyramid scheme - The Slightly Serious Fraud Office today unveiled plans to create a pyramid scheme incubator division as part of a new, entrepreneurial approach to activities traditionally seen as crimes. “For too long pyramid schemes have been operated on the wrong side of the law by criminals, putting consumers at unnecessary risk,” said Richard Gregory, head of […]
- [Unreal] An interview with Mr Tortoise - Standing in the cavernous, gold-leaf rococo reception room of a legendary athlete’s Palm Beach residence, with a rare chance of an interview was a rich prize sending an email on a whim at 3am. For once the word “legendary” is not hyperbole. We all grew up hearing about that race, imagining what it must have […]
- [unreal] Rampaging giants may soon face barking - Giants who carry off townspeople or who trample crops can expect to be barked at quite loudly from tomorrow, according to the latest light-touch regulatory scheme. “We have created a vocal new guardian of the townspeople, empowered to bark at anyone over five-foot-three who might be up to no good,” the king’s town crier roared. […]
- [unreal] Interview: Davis on the democratisation of “breaking the truth barrier” - Strategic Communications secured an interview with the elusive Alan Davis, CEO of the Kudos Academy at the Ivy, London. We are in a “golden age” of communication thanks to the normalisation of the breaking of the truth barrier since the 90s, he argues. What was it that started you off?It was the 90s, you are […]
- [unreal] FunnyBone’s Mirth-24/7 update to give humour boost - FunnyBone Technologies Inc (FBT) has introduced long-awaited functionality to its flagship automated social media delivery package, Mirth-24/7, promising 85% humour optimisation. The update will mean “content suppliers will have greater data, control and modulation of amusement intensity so enabling them to extract the most value from their humorous material”. Social media content suppliers have long […]
- [unreal] World’s longest phone call to end - The world’s longest phone call is set to end next Thursday afternoon after over 34 years, it was announced this morning. “I look forward to spending time on other things,” said the caller Arthur Cummings, now 78. Galaxy Tech, which handled the last five years of the call, told shareholders it was a “great example […]