Giants who carry off townspeople or who trample crops can expect to be barked at quite loudly from tomorrow, according to the latest light-touch regulatory scheme.
“We have created a vocal new guardian of the townspeople, empowered to bark at anyone over five-foot-three who might be up to no good,” the king’s town crier roared.
Critics of the scheme, which was proposed by giants, point out that the new regulator, Fifi Trixibelle, is a toy poodle only sixteen inches tall who is fed and watered by the giants.
Fifi’s barking will, however, supporters say, be based on the recommendations of an Independent Complaints Panel which will assess any written reports of marauding in detail.
“This is a cutting edge form of self-regulation, striking the perfect balance between the interests of villagers and giants,” said one of the king’s men, a part-time adviser to giants.
There were 4,535 townspeople carried away by giants and 1,445 acres of land trampled last year, up 20%, according to the Office of Town Statistics. ■