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Funfare owner blames tragedy on “irresponsible minority”

14th December 2021 by philcain


The chief executive of Funtime funfare says fatal accidents on one of its most famous rides are the fault of an “irresponsible minority”.

A couple in their twenties were flung from Funtime funfare’s world famous Whirligig Megawalzer on Tuesday night. The ride closed for twenty minutes to allow ambulances access to the injured, both dead on arrival at hospital.

“We would like to say how sad we all are that some of our customers have tragically chosen to be thrown to their deaths from one of our rides,” said Funtime funfare chief executive Sir Richard Melkins.

“I would like to reassure our customers that only a small minority of customers allow themselves to suffer untimely death. They were obviously not holding on tight,” said Sir Richard.

A lawyer for the families of the deceased couple, Richard Smith, said a coroner’s report said the pair were unconscious at the time they hit the ground, suggesting the g-forces of the ride were to blame.

“It is common knowledge that our world famous whirligig ride is going to temporarily paralyse a small percentage of customers. Everyone knows that before they get on. That is why our motto is ‘Hold tight folks!’,” said Sir Richard.

“To say that someone is being irresponsible for not holding on when they are unconsciousness is completely illogical and clearly self-serving,” said Mr Smith. No ministers were available to comment. 

The Funtime funfare runs every day non-stop for the foreseeable future. ■

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Filed Under: Story Tagged With: fiction

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