Story

Rampaging giants may soon face barking

17th November 2021

Giants who carry off townspeople or who trample crops can expect to be barked at quite loudly from tomorrow, according to the latest light-touch regulatory scheme.

“We have created a vocal new guardian of the townspeople, empowered to bark at anyone over five-foot-three who might be up to no good,” the king’s town crier roared.

Critics of the scheme, which was proposed by giants, point out that the new regulator, Fifi Trixibelle, is a toy poodle only sixteen inches tall who is fed and watered by the giants.

Fifi’s barking will, however, supporters say, be based on the recommendations of an Independent Complaints Panel which will assess any written reports of marauding in detail.

“This is a cutting edge form of self-regulation, striking the perfect balance between the interests of villagers and giants,” said one of the king’s men, a part-time adviser to giants.

There were 4,535 townspeople carried away by giants and 1,445 acres of land trampled last year, up 20%, according to the Office of Town Statistics. ■

FunnyBone’s Mirth-24/7 update to give humour boost

1st November 2021

FunnyBone Technologies Inc (FBT) has introduced long-awaited functionality to its flagship automated social media delivery package, Mirth-24/7, promising 85% humour optimisation.

The update will mean “content suppliers will have greater data, control and modulation of amusement intensity so enabling them to extract the most value from their humorous material”.

Social media content suppliers have long struggled to deliver social media feeds that properly regulate amusement levels to maximise engagement and so return on investment. Perfectly reasonable gags can sometimes fall completely flat.

“What we realised is that our perception of humour is relative, so things which are not funny in normal life can appear funny or simply poignant in the right context,” says Jim Carpenter, chief context technician at FunnyBones.

Similarly, the Carpenter says, content which might be thought to be quite funny in a completely neutral context can seem “lame” if it is placed next to more dazzling material. This is potentially a waste.

“About 80% of material is mediocre, so we can’t waste it. Mirth-24/7 minimises the risk of us squandering solid but unremarkable stock material by featuring it in unfavourable conditions, which means it loses its value.”

The Funny Bone creates a multidimensional map of content interaction by running it past a representative panel of 10,000 volunteers in random orders and assessing their brain response. Mirth-24/7 is fed the resulting vector.

“The result is that we know what works with what and what does not. The interactions are complex and unpredictable. We can then use and AI to determine the best running order to deliver to different audience segments.”

In randomised control trials the Mirth-24/7 system delivered jokes at near 85% of optimum efficiency. Similar approach may one day be applied to create contexts to maximise other common social media criteria, like cuteness. ■

Simulators can enhance the real world

25th August 2021

The growing allure of driving and flight simulators show that our understandable techno-weariness should not blind us to an enormous recreational and educational potential.

Simulators make accessible incredible experiences which in their real form are only available for a tiny, privileged minority. It might not be “our thing” but it is still worth thinking about.

It goes against the grain to fire up the PC at home in the evening, especially if we have sat at one all day at work. But overcoming the aversion can be worth it.

The same computers that sap our lifeblood with spreadsheets can also take us into richly-detailed parallel worlds created for our amusement, engagement, education and excitement.

The processing power and software needed to create these incredible illusions is getting less expensive by the month. And each extra GHz increment makes them all the more convincing.

The processing power we now have allows for a mind-boggling level of immersion, with headsets now able to give us all-round 3d vision as we move and turn our heads, as in real life.

The $90bn games industry taps technology by slaking our thirst for fantasy. But simulators take the opposite approach, trying to reproduce the real world, with accuracy their benchmark.

Flying and driving simulators have the added advantage of trying to mimic ways we already navigate our world by controlling machines, albeit ones made of metal not pixels.

There is typically a competitive element to simulated vehicles like in real ones, but simulators are also intended purely for the experience they provide. Most users appreciate both.

Simmers may fly imaginary combat missions or drive in circuit races online, but they also fire up their engines with no aim other than the sights, sounds and trance of the activity.

Cars and planes also have a complex engineering, science and human history to draw on. Simulators allow us to learn about these in a uniquely hands-on way.

And being able to be almost anywhere we can think of can awaken a feeling of wonder, exploration and global consciousness, and literally open our eyes to geography.

Like with meditation, music, running, gaming, painting., reading or writing simming can change the way we think and feel for the better, without the risk of a psychoactive drug.

Some experimental digital formats beyond sims even focus entirely on this mind-altering potential, with “technodelics” designed to deliver psychoactive audio and visuals.

With our movements restricted by covid-19 and, increasingly, climate change, we can still wake up with a flight over the fjords near Nuuk or putter over the Ganges delta in a triplane.

Technology need not always drain us. Driving and flying simulators show the digital world can also provide accessible recreation enriching our engagement in the real world. ■

The first of a short series which will explore driving and flight simulators before dabbling in technodelics.