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Blocked, ghosted and cancelled, S01E01

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An everyday story of internet folk

Scene: A dimly lit Whatsapp text screen; Cast: Molly (M), Jenny (J)

M: Hi Jenny

J: Hi Moll

M: You’re having a lol, ain’tcha?

J: What lol might that be, Moll?

M: A little bird tells me you’ve been texting Steve behind my back. Or am I wrong?

J: So what if I have? You only went and ghosted him last week.

M: For the record, Jenny, I didn’t ghost him, I cancelled him. And, either way, it doesn’t mean you can just start texting him.

M: Since when?

J: Since now.

[Jenny has blocked this conversation appears on screen]

J: [voice] For fuck’s sake. 

Theme music plays.

Go figure: Alcohol jobs versus dependence

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There are maybe 770,000 part-time and full-time jobs connected with alcohol business in the UK, according to an IAS estimate. And there are about 638.000 people who are alcohol dependent, meaning they experience side effects when not inebriated. ■

Enhance anything by never pushing

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Western culture makes a fetish of strenuous effort. Put in lots of effort, we are told, and we can reliably expect cracking results. I, like a lot of people, was brought up to believe it. Media reinforce the idea. But it is not true.

Many of us often work extremely hard and get very limited results in return. What we invariably get, however, is fatigue. Over the long term we often get chronic fatigue. We also increase our chances of injury and becoming jaded.

We also boost the chances we crave relief from the pain and strain we have induced. Enthusiastic efforts to improve our health can lead us to look for relief using alcohol or in other counterproductive ways.

I was brought up to be a firm believer in the try hard ethos. Whether it was memorising irregular foreign verbs or running round a playing field until we puked. It was all quite unpleasant, but rest assured the pain would have a pay off.

There is something to be said for seeing where our limits are and experiencing what happens when we reach them. It is instructive, but constantly pushing our gauges into the red is a flawed long-term strategy.

Real achievements typically emerge from steady, sustainable and enjoyable effort. Bodies strengthen, but they take time. Books, academic papers and brick walls take shape, but not thanks to an afternoon of frantic exertion.

Willing ourselves to regularly hit our pain thresholds can induce endorphins that soothe strain and stress. But over the long term this can backfire when we no longer want to endure discomfort simply for a painkilling payoff.

My own experience was that I became tired of the satisfaction and reward of enduring things as an end in itself. Eventually I found what Chinese philosophy calls wu wei, a slippery idea one might say means “never pushing”.

The idea is to never strain oneself. One should look at ways to sail rather than row to a destination. Rather than giving oneself a pat on the back for labouring, one should focus on technique, reducing effort and enhancing enjoyment.

It is an approach that can be well embodied in some tai chi classes. If you feel any pain or strain you are told to stop moving quite so much. The lesson for an inveterate try-harder is stop trying so hard, progress will come anyway.

I did no more than the tai chi basics, but “never pushing” works with anything. I swam this way for three years. I was never injured, tired or stressed and was able to enjoy every minute. I emerged far stronger and with technique improved. 

The ultra low intensity meant there was no pain or discomfort during or after. This meant there was not the slightest temptation to self-medicate with alcohol or anything else. Swimming itself became a longed-for stress relief.

Making never pushing and enjoyment the key parameters of success make activities themselves the rewarding relaxation it should be.  Well-being not effort is the most reliable basis for progress. ■

Nine years of trolling settle internet argument

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One side of an internet argument looks set to achieve outright victory having “out-trolled” its opponents over nearly a decade, according to a source close to the defeated side.

It is believed to be the first time in internet history that a group of people have been provoked and ridiculed so skillfully that they decided to entirely abandon their opinions.

“I was just tired of being called names by people with hidden identities and agendas, so I decided it was time to call it a day and change my ideas completely,. We were out-trolled,” an insider told Unreal.

The two sides are thought to have been arguing continuously for at least nine years. None of those to whom we spoke could tell us what the argument was originally about. 

“As a group we ran out of ideas, hashtags and memes. Slowly we realised this meant our ideas were invalid. So we got together and, with a few hold-outs, decided to call it a day.”

The defeated side has not yet been named, but internet arguing experts say the other side will be hoping it leads to a domino effect in other issues.

“One of the core principles of the internet is that slagging people off is the most effective way to change their views,” says CapsLock34644, a self-styled internet warrior.

“This just goes to show those wimps who said sitting behind a keyboard calling people names was not going to achieve anything. Who is dumb now?”

The case of some of the names and statements made in this report may have been changed for style reasons. ■

People who lost the lottery this week

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A fortunate minority occupies a large share of media attention. Here we restore balance by catching up with some of those to whom lady luck has dealt an entirely predictable hand.

Ted Hurley, 59, a plasterer and home improvement enthusiast from Basingstoke picked the numbers 4, 19, 12, 36 and 41, none of which appeared in the draw this week. As a regular player he has won several small prizes over the 20 years he has played, swearing by the lucky dip. He said, “I’m neither surprised nor disappointed. It is a game of pure chance with 45m players, nearly all of them lose. So I play with the expectation of losing.” 

A trainee nail technician from Runcorn Rachel Barnes, 23, who has run four half marathons, always uses digits derived from her siblings’ birthdays. “I did it since I started playing a few years ago.” One of them, the number three, came up in this week’s draw. “When I saw three had come up, I really thought it might be my lucky week, but then all the other numbers were completely wrong.” She says she will keep playing because, “It is only a matter of time until the other five numbers come up.”

This week’s star lottery loser: An IT technician Maidenhead, 38, who plays five-a-side football, who chose to remain anonymous, was excited to see four of her regular numbers. “I remember I checked when I was on the bus to work.” This would have probably  meant she had won several thousand. But, a moment later, she realised that she had not bought a ticket this week because it rained really hard. She said she was “pretty annoyed” with herself. Asked what she will do now she has lost, “I would have liked to have paid off all my bills and have a holiday. I won’t do that now, not right away.” 

We will bring you more stories of highly-probable outcomes next week. Do, please, contact Unreal if you would like to share the story of a lucky break which did not happen to you. ■ 

Trying to cut back on alcohol? Here’s what works

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by Nicole Lee, Curtin University

With everything going on over the past couple of years, many people have changed their drinking habits.

We’ve seen an increased demand for support, suggesting more people are trying to cut back or quit.

There are so many options for cutting back or quitting alcohol it’s hard to know what will be most effective.

What works depends on how much you drink
Most people successfully quit or cut back their alcohol consumption on their own.

People who drink more frequently are much more likely to have symptoms of dependence and might find it more difficult.

You might be dependent if:

  • you can’t easily go a day without drinking alcohol, or find it hard to cut back
  • a lot of your social activities include or are based around drinking
  • you find yourself thinking about or wanting alcohol a lot
  • you find it difficult to control the amount you drink once you start
  • you need to drink a lot to feel the effects
  • you experience withdrawal symptoms, even mild ones, such as feeling unwell or a slight shaking in your hands when you go a day or two without alcohol.

The more of these signs you have and the more severe they are, the more dependent you’re likely to be. You can check your risk of dependence here.

If you have a mild dependence on alcohol, you may be able to cut back on your own. But if you are moderately dependent, you may need to get some kind of support.

If you are severely dependent, you should seek medical advice before you make any change to your drinking because stopping suddenly can cause severe health problems, including seizures and even death in some people.

For people who are severely dependent, the usual recommendation is to take a permanent or temporary break from alcohol. It may take six months to a year or more before you are able to start drinking again. Some people find it’s better for them not to drink again at all. With severe dependence, there’s a high risk of quickly going back to heavy drinking if you just try to cut back.

If you experience any symptoms of dependence, once you stop or cut back your drinking, you might need specialist treatment or ongoing support to prevent going back to heavy drinking.

‘Cold turkey’ or reduction?
If you’re not dependent, you should be able to either reduce the quantity or frequency of drinking or quit altogether. You may do this on your own or choose to get some support. If one method doesn’t work, try a different way.

If you experience mild to moderate dependence, every time you have a drink it can become a trigger to drink more. So it’s sometimes easier to increase drink-free days, rather than reducing the quantity on drinking days, or to quit altogether for a period of time.

People who are severely dependent usually require some kind of withdrawal support to stop drinking. It is usually better to stop altogether (“cold turkey”) as long as you have medical support. You can undertake withdrawal treatment in a hospital, at home with the help of a GP or nurse, or via telehealth. Alcohol withdrawal typically lasts about five to seven days.

Zero-alcohol drinks
Zero-alcohol drinks are alcoholic drinks with the alcohol removed but which retain a taste similar to the alcoholic version. There is now a huge variety of options for spirits, beer and wine.

If you are not dependent but are trying to reduce your alcohol intake for health or other reasons, these can be a good option. By replacing some or all of your usual alcoholic drinks with zero-alcohol drinks, you can still enjoy the social aspects of drinking without the health risks of alcohol.

If you are dependent on alcohol, the smell and taste of zero-alcohol drinks can act as a trigger for drinking alcohol. They might make it more difficult to make permanent changes to your drinking.

Treatment apps and online support
A range of computerised, web-based, and mobile apps have been developed to support people cutting back or quitting alcohol. They have shown promising results in early trials. The benefit of these apps is accessibility, but the outcomes are modest and they seem to work best in conjunction with professional support.

Hello Sunday Morning’s Daybreak program is a large online alcohol support community, accessed through a mobile and desktop app. It’s designed for moderate drinkers who want to cut back or quit. Early research suggests it’s effective in reducing drinking, as well as improving psychological well-being and quality of life.

Some previously face-to-face support groups like SMART Recovery and Alcoholics Anonymous have moved online, which has increased accessibility. These are typically more suited to people who are dependent on alcohol.

Psychological interventions

Brief interventions: As little as five minutes of advice from a GP can reduce alcohol consumption by 30%, especially for people who are in the mild to moderate dependence category. So it’s worth chatting to your doctor if you need a little help getting started.

Counselling and psychological therapy: The main treatment type to help with alcohol issues is counselling. Sessions are usually once a week with a qualified professional, such as a psychologist. Sometimes they are delivered in group settings. Counselling is suitable for any level of drinker who is trying to make changes.

Some of the main evidence-based counselling treatments in Australia are behavioural and cognitive therapies, such as cognitive behavioural therapy and mindfulness-based relapse prevention. These types of treatments have been shown to be at least as effective as medication

Intensive group programs
A number of more intensive group programs are suited to people who are dependent on alcohol or who are having significant problems, including:

  • residential rehabilitation, which is usually for people who have tried other treatments unsuccessfully or who may be unsuitable for non-residential treatment because their home life is not supportive of making changes. It has been shown to be effective in increasing abstinence in dependent drinkers
  • day programs, which are similar to residential rehabilitation programs but participants live at home and go in each day. These are a relatively new treatment type and there is limited good quality research on their outcomes.

Medication
A number of medications can help people who are moderately to severely dependent on alcohol. They tend to work best in conjunction with counselling.

  • disulfiram is an older medication that works on the alcohol metabolism system and induces nausea and vomiting if alcohol is taken at the same time
  • acamprosate can help prevent relapse in people who have already been through withdrawal
  • naltrexone reduces cravings in heavy drinkers.

Self-help groups
Alcoholics Anonymous’s 12-step movement has a long history dating back to the 1930s, when there was very little available in the way of real alcohol treatment. There is relatively little research on AA and much of that has been conducted from within the organisation. The known outcomes are modest – the success rate is estimated to be around 10% and the dropout rate appears high.

AA can be helpful for some people and also provides a very well-established peer support network if you need support. It seems to be more effective in conjunction with professional treatment.

There are many options if you are trying to reduce your drinking and no single strategy works for everyone. The best approach is to start with something that looks appealing and feasible to get the outcomes you are looking for. If that’s not effective, try something else or seek professional help.The Conversation ■

Nicole Lee, Professor at the National Drug Research Institute (Melbourne), Curtin University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.